I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
Randomize
