i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
Randomize
