Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
Randomize
