considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
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