would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
