remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
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