ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
