if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
