i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize
