Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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