I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
Randomize
