Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
Randomize
