Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
