# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
Randomize
