# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Randomize
