my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
