We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
lol hangovers are for mortals.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
Randomize
