Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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