nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
I party with great urgency now.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
