I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
