I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Randomize
