Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
