I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
Randomize
