if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
Randomize
