Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
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