youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
ugly people sure do ruin things
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
