how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
Everclear isn't food dammit
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
Randomize
