; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
I am puke
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
Randomize
