I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
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