I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
