oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Randomize
