So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
Randomize
