last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
Randomize
