I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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