Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
Randomize
