Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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