Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
Randomize
