Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
Randomize
