hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
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