I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
