This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
Randomize
