it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
