Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
Randomize
