is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
