Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Randomize
