She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
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