Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Randomize
