All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
Randomize
