I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
