We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
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